Seeing Perfection Years Later

Last week I had a light bulb moment when reading Linda Parelli's blog post entitled Things Change written November 11, 2010.  Linda's writings, "I believe that life is perfect, and is unfolding exactly as it should.  I have learned through experience that you don't see the perfection of what occurs until many years later..."  gave me the opportunity to see something I have instinctively always known, put into words.  I have always believed that things happen for a reason - good, bad or otherwise.  But sometimes reflecting on the path that leads us to today, makes the journey more clear!

Way, way back in 1992, at the tender age of 20, I was horseless.  Being horseless for an obsessed horse-lover-since-birth is a very difficult situation to find oneself in.  But University education left little time, or money, for my passion and I had to make do without.  Arriving home during my second year for Christmas break, Dec 23rd found me hearing about a horse that I must "go see" from a neighbouring horseman.  Giving this suggestion no thought at all - I carried on with my day.  That night - I found myself bolt upright in bed awoken from a deep sleep with one thought - I had to go see this horse!!  I anxiously waited 4 days for my appointment to see a horse I knew very little about; a 4 year old bay thoroughbred gelding off the track,  abandoned by his owners at a holding facility, for sale for the price of his outstanding board.  With a whole lot of luck and fate intervening - I brought Charlie home Dec 27th.  From our very first ride - he taught me about trust and together we looked after each other.   He was my perfect partner in every sense and we had a wonderful 11 years together. 

Charlie  1989-2004

On March 5th, 2004, my horse world blew apart.  At that time, Charlie was stabled at my parent's barn as I had three very small children and precious little time for daily horse care.  After having a horribly, restless sleep that Saturday night, I found myself the next morning watching the clock until it was an appropriate hour to call my parents house (completely out of character for me I can assure you).   I knew instantly upon hearing my Mom's wavering voice say "Hello?" that tragedy had struck.  We had had a quick thaw that week and Charlie had been running around the paddock with typical spring sillies.  That fateful day, his hind leg had sunk deep in the mud and as he spun to gallop back up the field, he broke his leg above the hock.   Thankfully, my dad discovered him soon after and quickly made the decision to put him out of his pain.  At just 16 years of age, my best friend was gone.   For the next 365 days, I didn't have horses in my life - at all.  I couldn't continue without my partner and couldn't bring myself to consider the possibility that I would ever find another perfect partner for me. 

But my old friend the "horse bug",  bit again about a year after Charlie's death and after much research, I purchased the appaloosa gelding who became the stepping stone for me discovering Parelli.   One of my goals when shopping for another horse - was to purchase one that was not a bay thoroughbred gelding.   My tender heart couldn't handle the reminder of what I had lost.  The next four years were very difficult and subconsciously, I expected this young appy to fill some pretty big shoes.  In hindsight, an unfair expectation for him.  For the first time in my horsey life, I learned some harsh lessons about fear and for the second time in my life, my lifelong passion for horses was almost lost to me.  But Parelli came along at exactly the right moment!   Parelli (and watching Linda's lesson with Walter Zettle in Harristburg, PA in 2009) helped me decide that without trust - we weren't ever going to be perfect partners.  I took a risk,  found a wonderful new home for my appy and began the search for my perfect partner.  Could I find two perfect partners in the same lifetime?

The picture that brought Tido into my life!  May 2009

This is where my story becomes a happily-ever-after.  Tido's beautiful bald white face appeared on my computer screen one day just hours after selling my appy,  in a Horse For Sale ad resulting from me accidently striking an incorrect key on my keyboard.   Deja vu kicked in and I found myself on a familiar path - I had to see this horse!!  I waited 4 anxious days for my appointment time to arrive - praying that he wouldn't be sold in the meantime (hhmm sounding familiar?).  May 27, 2009 I sat on a strange horse, in a strange saddle, in a strange barn, with his owner watching, and instantly felt an old friend surface - trust.  Mutual trust.  I was home.  My broken heart  began to heal that day as Tido travelled home with me.   He has been my perfect partner since that day forward.   And the irony of it all - Tido's birthday is ... March 2004.  

So I, too, believe that life is perfect, unfolding exactly as it should.  And I didn't, or couldn't see it, until many years later.  It takes a lot of confidence to get you through those tragic times, but they are as much a part of the journey as the good times.   Without the heartbreak and pain, I wouldn't be where I am today - finding true joy in my horse obsession, having more fun than I ever thought possible and achieving things I never dared to even dream about.  Looking back, it is now easy to see how perfect the path was that led me to today.