Breaking Down My Preconceptions & Assumptions

I've made it no secret that I have dealt with my weight for many, many years.  It has been the #1 thorn in my side for the last decade or so.  I know that I originally gained the weight for two main reasons ...
#1 I gave birth to a set of twins in 1999 and my life unequivocally changed forever - from being an active, working out of the house newly wed to a homebound, stay-at-home mom of two tiny babies - a drastic life change that caused me to head straight to the fridge and my exercise level to drop to almost nothing!
#2 I started dealing with some major medical issues with my reproductive system that left me in chronic pain and suffering from exhaustion 80% of the time.
So today I am in a place where the reasons that caused me to gain weight all those years ago are no longer a factor - my kids are old enough to not even require a babysitter any longer and I had a hysterectomy in 2008.  The time is right and I am ready to start pursuing the thinner, fitter body I once had.

So how to go about it.  Weight Watchers has worked for me .. somewhat.  But my reality is that certain foods, the foods that I really love, cause me digestive upset and increased cravings for unhealthy foods.  These foods, any foods are perfectly acceptable on Weight Watchers as long as they are accounted for.  But I know that they do me harm.  So for the last few months I have been searching for a weight loss program that will not only cause me to lose weight but help me identify what foods are best for my body.  Last year, the Parelli world watched as Pat & Linda slimmed to shadows of themselves on a diet Pat talked about as the "HcG Diet".   Several weeks ago, I decided that I would look into this HcG diet.   Going straight to the source,  I called the Body Shop in Pagosa Springs, Colorado for the details.   Needless to say, after some research and concluding that I wasn't going to harm myself on a 500 calorie per day diet - I signed on with Linda at the Body Shop to give it a go.  First, my inbox filled with document after document that I needed to read (the food lists by blood type is amazing and spot on for me!!).  Then just this morning a shipment arrived filled with bottle after bottle of supplements, tea, soap, toothpaste - even deodorant!!  Everything I need to get going ... and ...... I am petrified!

Why am I so nervous of this??  I am nervous of anything referred to as "all natural".  My vision of anything produced naturally is that someone went out in the field, picked something that looked like weeds, ground it up, put it in pill form and expects it to be the next cure of the century.  All right - I am sceptical of the homeopathic/natureopathic movement.  My impression is that the products work "o.k" - not really very well but the consumer mentally feels better in the knowledge that they are natural.  Alternative therapies and medicines make me think that they are second best, a choice when you don't have access to the best option - that from the medical community.  So where did this mindset come from?  Why am I so sceptical of something that comes in a plain brown packaging?  I don't really know.  But I need to open my mind to the possibilities and accept that what I have done so far really hasn't worked that well - so why not?

It is the same thing with me and the red light therapy - for horses and humans.  I am sceptical maybe because it seems so easy.  And because I can't for the life of me figure out how what looks like a red Christmas tree light mounted in a flashlight can possibly make a difference to a 1200 lb animal.  But you know, I was once sceptical of Parelli too.  But I went to that first Level 1 clinic with an open mind .. and now look where I am!!  Time for me to drop the preconceptions and assumptions that block my vision and try.  Maybe while I am busy sorting supplements and getting underway with the HcG diet,  I should take the course and learn more about the red light therapy too.  Who knows maybe the outcome will be like that of my first Level 1 Parelli course and my life will be forever changed.

Wish me luck!! I don't think I'll be eating organic granola and wearing hemp clothing anytime soon, but I just might learn more about my body and what it really needs (instead of what I think it needs!).   I'll update 45 days from now and revisit this topic again!  Stay tuned!

P.I.T.'s and Rattle Snakes

What a week!! Lots of horse activity going on and lots of positives.  First I wanted to comment on the Humanality/Match report.  Mine arrived on a rare day when I was down and out with the flu and ironically, it was one of the best afternoons I have ever spent!! Having a sick day (rare, I can assure you), gave me some undemanding time with myself to really read and absorb the reports.  I was floored ... no... astonished to find out I am a RBI!  But not just any old RBI - a RBI Axis Point!  What this means is that although RBI is my main quadrant, it is very, very mild and my dot is very close to the centre.  The result is that I can easily shift into LBI and RBE and occasionally LBE (possible but only occasionally).  So, speaking in positive terms, I have the potential to be very adaptable to the horse I am playing with.   The reports are very, very interesting and very reflective of what I have been facing with myself and my horse.  Since reading them, I feel I have a real understanding of the positives and the challenges that Tido and I face as a partnership.  What also hit home, again, was John Baar's discussion regarding labelling.  He advised that we not think of LB and RB as "good" and "bad" and certainly now that I find myself an RBI, this is never more true!!
    
     As things finally started drying up here in south western Ontario in the last week, I got a chance to start playing with my filly. I currently have her identified as a P.I.T. (partner-in-training) because she flip-flops so easily between acting like a partner and behaving very instinctively. Since passing her second birthday on April 9th, I am starting to see more consistent partner-like behaviour as she gains in size and maturity.  But she is still very young, and those prey behaviours surface regularly.

     Throughout the winter I took advantage of every opportunity to play with any of the games that I could - in the confines of the barn.  But as the good weather has moved in, I have begun advancing those games outside!  In one of our first official plays of the year, I was busy placing barrels, flipping cavaletti, setting cones and generally getting things arranged in the outdoor arena.  I was casually dragging the 22' behind me and allowing Jess to trail around after me at Liberty (she's great at that - I call her my pocket horse).  Using my periferal vision to keep a close eye on her whereabouts, her sudden movement caught my eye.  The leather popper on the end of the 22' suddenly came up out of the grass and caught her attention.  After following it with concern for a few moments, she made a small hop into the air with both front feet and came down on the ends - finishing her display with a short tap dance.  Then in a brisk walk with a look of concern on her face she came within 3 feet of me and turned crosswise so her zone 3 was between me and the end of the 22.  She looked back at me over her shoulder with a confident expression that said, "it's okay, I've got this under control."  How can you not laugh??!!   While initially I thought this behaviour was quite instinctual, with some "hhmm .. how interesting" pondering, I have concluded that in many regards, she was actually behaving very much like a partner.   I know in her mind, the leather popper was a rattle snake (which is quite instinctual).  But instead of taking flight, she took as much calm confidence as a two year old can muster, and "killed' the snake to protect her herd of two.  While in the future I will need to watch carefully that she doesn't become dominantly protective of our herd, it was deeply reaffirming that our playtime has some very real meaning for her.   And if we ever ride through the wilderness, I'll be safe from rattle snakes! 


     I leave you with two recent photos of Jess.  The first in her new designer, gold mesh with lynx trim, fly mask. If you can't have fun dressing up your little girl - who can you have fun with??  The second shot was taken at sundown last night.  While I rarely consider her "angelic" - doesn't this photo give her a certain glow??


New designer flywear!




I always knew she was an angel!





More Lightbulbs Than a Hardware Store

This week was a turning point.  Two turning points actually.  And the really amazing part - both of my light bulb moments came from knowledge I already knew - sparked by information that has been in front of my nose for ... well .... ashamed to actually admit ... years!! 

Breakthrough #1
     I watched the January 2011 Savvy Club DVD - Performance Summit Highlights.  And then I watched it again.  And again.   Because the first time I watched it - a light bulb went on.  And then I watched it two more times just to be sure it really was a lightbulb and not some other flash of light pretending to be a lightbulb. 
     So what was this brilliant, flashing, lightbulb moment?  Watching Pat and his students riding during their demo I ... wait for it ...I got IT.  I mean I really GOT IT.  I understood for the first time the importance of all this "stuff" we have been doing on the ground and how it prepares us for riding.  I really understood the importance of the patterns and their design.  I really, really got the message loud and clear how important the human and horse responsibilities are to riding.  I felt like Pat reached out through my TV screen and smacked me upside the head and said, "pay attention - this stuff is important!"   When he saw the surprise in my face, I am sure he shook his head and thought, "what do you think I have been telling you via video for the last 2 years??"   Okay Pat - I get it.   So with the lightbulb illuminated, my poor horse will finally get the leader he needs in the saddle, instead of one that has been floundering around in the dark.  I guess the only question now is, if this information has been presented to me in countless videos and clinics - why did it take me so long to get it??

Breakthrough #2
     I have come to the conclusion that I am really, really good at collecting and learning new materials.  I am great at making plans - on paper.   But I am truly mediocre at putting those plans into action.  There, my secret is out.  Too often I feel that I have "fake it 'til you make it" tattooed across my forehead.  In a few aspects of my life, I know deep down that I haven't done the time - I haven't paid the piper - I haven't given the concentrated, consistent effort required to achieve a particular goal.  And I am not just talking my horsey life ... I don't admit to too many people that I have wanted to lose weight for just over 10 years now. 
      So just as I started feeling slightly blue as I reflected on goals not yet accomplished, an email arrived from Drew Harvey and his blog Diet Tired .  Suddenly, as before, the lightbulb went on ...


"What is the trick? Five proven steps to bridge the gap between good intentions and action:


Record Keeping
Goal Setting
Scheduling
Overcoming Barriers
Evaluation and Feedback"

And there it is.  I am awesome at Goal Setting.  I give myself a C+ in Record Keeping.  Scheduling of my horse time or my diet & exercise requirements doesn't exist.  Overcoming Barriers is low on the list.  And could my lackadaisical attitude regarding submitting an official Parelli audition mean that I actually avoid Evaluation and Feedback???   As a certain Mrs. Parelli would say ... hmm, how interesting.   So applying the above 5 steps to my Parelli goals and my weight loss/fitness goals, I am suddenly feeling much more positive (and illuminated).  Stay tuned!!  2011 is looking bright!

Seeing Perfection Years Later

Last week I had a light bulb moment when reading Linda Parelli's blog post entitled Things Change written November 11, 2010.  Linda's writings, "I believe that life is perfect, and is unfolding exactly as it should.  I have learned through experience that you don't see the perfection of what occurs until many years later..."  gave me the opportunity to see something I have instinctively always known, put into words.  I have always believed that things happen for a reason - good, bad or otherwise.  But sometimes reflecting on the path that leads us to today, makes the journey more clear!

Way, way back in 1992, at the tender age of 20, I was horseless.  Being horseless for an obsessed horse-lover-since-birth is a very difficult situation to find oneself in.  But University education left little time, or money, for my passion and I had to make do without.  Arriving home during my second year for Christmas break, Dec 23rd found me hearing about a horse that I must "go see" from a neighbouring horseman.  Giving this suggestion no thought at all - I carried on with my day.  That night - I found myself bolt upright in bed awoken from a deep sleep with one thought - I had to go see this horse!!  I anxiously waited 4 days for my appointment to see a horse I knew very little about; a 4 year old bay thoroughbred gelding off the track,  abandoned by his owners at a holding facility, for sale for the price of his outstanding board.  With a whole lot of luck and fate intervening - I brought Charlie home Dec 27th.  From our very first ride - he taught me about trust and together we looked after each other.   He was my perfect partner in every sense and we had a wonderful 11 years together. 

Charlie  1989-2004

On March 5th, 2004, my horse world blew apart.  At that time, Charlie was stabled at my parent's barn as I had three very small children and precious little time for daily horse care.  After having a horribly, restless sleep that Saturday night, I found myself the next morning watching the clock until it was an appropriate hour to call my parents house (completely out of character for me I can assure you).   I knew instantly upon hearing my Mom's wavering voice say "Hello?" that tragedy had struck.  We had had a quick thaw that week and Charlie had been running around the paddock with typical spring sillies.  That fateful day, his hind leg had sunk deep in the mud and as he spun to gallop back up the field, he broke his leg above the hock.   Thankfully, my dad discovered him soon after and quickly made the decision to put him out of his pain.  At just 16 years of age, my best friend was gone.   For the next 365 days, I didn't have horses in my life - at all.  I couldn't continue without my partner and couldn't bring myself to consider the possibility that I would ever find another perfect partner for me. 

But my old friend the "horse bug",  bit again about a year after Charlie's death and after much research, I purchased the appaloosa gelding who became the stepping stone for me discovering Parelli.   One of my goals when shopping for another horse - was to purchase one that was not a bay thoroughbred gelding.   My tender heart couldn't handle the reminder of what I had lost.  The next four years were very difficult and subconsciously, I expected this young appy to fill some pretty big shoes.  In hindsight, an unfair expectation for him.  For the first time in my horsey life, I learned some harsh lessons about fear and for the second time in my life, my lifelong passion for horses was almost lost to me.  But Parelli came along at exactly the right moment!   Parelli (and watching Linda's lesson with Walter Zettle in Harristburg, PA in 2009) helped me decide that without trust - we weren't ever going to be perfect partners.  I took a risk,  found a wonderful new home for my appy and began the search for my perfect partner.  Could I find two perfect partners in the same lifetime?

The picture that brought Tido into my life!  May 2009

This is where my story becomes a happily-ever-after.  Tido's beautiful bald white face appeared on my computer screen one day just hours after selling my appy,  in a Horse For Sale ad resulting from me accidently striking an incorrect key on my keyboard.   Deja vu kicked in and I found myself on a familiar path - I had to see this horse!!  I waited 4 anxious days for my appointment time to arrive - praying that he wouldn't be sold in the meantime (hhmm sounding familiar?).  May 27, 2009 I sat on a strange horse, in a strange saddle, in a strange barn, with his owner watching, and instantly felt an old friend surface - trust.  Mutual trust.  I was home.  My broken heart  began to heal that day as Tido travelled home with me.   He has been my perfect partner since that day forward.   And the irony of it all - Tido's birthday is ... March 2004.  

So I, too, believe that life is perfect, unfolding exactly as it should.  And I didn't, or couldn't see it, until many years later.  It takes a lot of confidence to get you through those tragic times, but they are as much a part of the journey as the good times.   Without the heartbreak and pain, I wouldn't be where I am today - finding true joy in my horse obsession, having more fun than I ever thought possible and achieving things I never dared to even dream about.  Looking back, it is now easy to see how perfect the path was that led me to today.