Joy, Tempered with Regrets .. the Mental Journey Continues.

The past few months have been a period of mental growth for me.  My confidence has risen to such snowy peaks, I often surprise myself.  I guard it like a newborn baby, being every vigilant about our safety to protect it and keep it from suffering a setback.  The freedom that confidence gives me is intoxicating.  Freedom to ride bareback more often than saddled, the freedom to seek the most imaginative ways to do seemingly mundane tasks.  The freedom to lay on the grass in the pasture at 38 years of age and look at the sky - just because I can.   I often joke that I am right back where I was at 12 years of age.  Back to when horses were fun and nothing was impossible.  Back to when just "hanging out" with my horse was one of life's true joys.   But my 38 year old brain starts to regret - all those years from age 14 forward when I paid money for someone to take that joy away.  I paid someone to tell me that I spoiled my horse by hugging him too much and I would never reach my goals unless I changed what I was doing.  I paid someone to tell me that if you weren't riding, you weren't doing any at all.   Today's joys are tainted by almost a quarter century of paying money for training that was actually taking me further away from where I was meant to be all along.   How do I let go of those regrets and lost years that almost took my moment-of-birth, passionate love of horses from me forever?  I am diligent now in trying to slow it down and enjoy the moments to not rush in an unconscious effort to make up for lost time.   I take comfort in knowing that my Parelli journey started when it was right for me, not a day too soon or a day too late.